We have just been given an absolutely unique and amazing gift.
A grandson called Finley.
His birth causes me and Mike to stop and reflect not just on blessings but on parenting and then grand parenting.
Finley is very very blessed.He has a loving home and two great parents and a nearby beach.
But Finley has something few other children will have that are born today.He has an extended family,an oikos.

Finley will grow and be nurtured within an a wider unit that is more than just his parents.Yes it’s true that they will be his main influence and source of love,but they will not do this alone and in isolation.
Mike and I don’t believe that parenting should be done alone.
We don’t believe the nuclear family is the only way to raise children.It never was and never was intended to be.Current statistic of nuclear family meltdown gives us the evidence.This was not how we decided to raise our children.We consciously looked back into scripture and other cultures for a different way.

Anyone who is a parent knows those awful dark moments when we realize this child of ours is way too difficult,complicated,strong willed or just different from us for us to really understand them.Most of us realize very quickly we don’t have enough patience or enough stamina for the job of raising this child.How amazing would it be if there were others around us at those times who could either speak wisdom into the situation or walk alongside the child in a way that the parent can’t.
What if children who are being raised by a single parent either through death or divorce could truly benefit from this type of extended family too.
What if there were people of all ages just generally nurturing them in the background and giving to each child what they had to offer on a day to day basis.
My mum is 83 years old she lives this way too.She is “substitute grandma” to lots of other children,she has them to her house for supper.She teaches them to bake and sew and chats to them at length.She has time.Something most parents don’t have in abundance.
I have another good friend Becky,who was tragically widowed just before the birth of her first child.Her experience of raising Lucy in the extended family situation during her grief and loss has been life saving for her.She has three families that reached out to her and included her in everything.They have her and Lucy over for supper, pick Lucy up from school, go on family vacations together,make time to have bedtime stories together. Lucy is not being raised alone she has oikos of brothers and sisters and Aunts and Uncles and other people watching out for her,encouraging her,helping her,truly being part of her life.Becky doesn’t feel like a visitor or an extra in their houses or with their children.They have been there for her emotionally,practically and spiritually.For me this is the biblical way of taking care of the widows and orphans.

Last week we went to the beach here in Pawleys island.About 25-30 of us.There were 12 scattered deck chairs placed in a rough circle with women crouching under blankets and children huddling under towels on their knees trying to hide from the wind and sand and looking to stay warm.It is February.

In the distance there were 3 raised sand hills with a small tribe of children and dogs running up and down and shouting and crying and fighting and laughing and building memories.The men in the group were kicking a football with a few smaller children running under their feet tripping them up and scoring goals.Would anyone know which child belonged to which adult ?I doubt it.It could be anyone in the group who would notice a stray child crying and call it close to offer words of comfort,it could be anyone of us who might shout a word of warning to a child slipping into danger,It could be anyone of us who would be sharing our food and drink and thoughts around to any passing child or adult.
Our children were raised this way.
Our eldest Beccy always said she took her exams in community.She didn’t just learn from Mike’s and my limited knowledge she went much wider to her extended family and was very successful as a result.
These ways are challenging,sometimes complicated and definitely not the norm but Mike and I believe that the oikos or extended family is the way God designed us to survive and thrive.