The Biblical understanding of the heart is way more expansive than in the Western world, isn’t it? It encompasses your feelings and thoughts, your longings and deep desires, intellect and will, the core of your very being. When I reflected on my attitudes toward hospitality and took a long hard look at my heart, I saw my experiences and my expectations had shaped my heart more than my call.

Experiences

I grew up in a neighborhood that had high crime rates and a lot of tensions. You didn’t open your doors, unless you knew who was there. You didn’t walk around late at night. You didn’t trust people, especially not strangers. You didn’t have friends over for a play date. The only time the community seemed to come together was to gawk at the car accident on the street (happened a lot), or talk about a recent arrest. United for awhile by the salacious stuff, we’d then return to being…distant.

But I also grew up in a Nigerian family, the ultimate extended family where everyone is your aunt and uncle. Parties lasted for hours as did the food. Multiple generations gathered together, but hey hung out in separate rooms unless there was a song we all had to dance too. We sighed as the elders listened to Sunny Ade’s Sweet Mother – again. We watched curiously as the adults danced to Earth Wind & Fire or Luther ( that’ll be of the Vandross not the Mighty Fortress variety). We watched enviously when the cool ones danced to reggae or could rap or breakdance. And how was it that we all managed to get down to Arrow’s Hot Hot Hot… I was hard wired for a network of relationships wide and extended. But I wasn’t ready for people in my home…neighbours etc. I had a lot to get past: fear, suspicion, insecurity and my own storehouse of memories that cast their own shadows.

My heart wasn’t only NOT ready to offer hospitality; it was not open.

Ever been there? Do you have a storehouse of memories? Perhaps your house was not a home. You experienced hospitality and safety everywhere but there. Maybe it was defined by silence tensions or pain. Perhaps it was fine, simply very private. It’s never occurred to you that perhaps God might call you to write a different story. Maybe the experiences are not so distant; they are your life right here, right now. Open my home? How could I let them into this mess, see these chaotic relationships?

Why does anyone need to come into my home? I am out there every day; my home is the place where I switch off, where I can be myself.

As a church leader you might be thinking, my home is the only place the church hasn’t taken over.

Are you married to a church leader? As far as you can see the church has already taken your spouse’s time and energy. Now they want your dinner too? Your beloved returns from their latest conference or staff meeting saying they’ve got a new vision for building community and we’re going to reach out from our home now like the early church did.

Great. The early church card. You never feel you can argue with a statement that includes ‘the early church’. Firstly, because they’re awesome and you know it. Secondly, there not here to argue with you. Thirdly, if they weren’t there with the Lord then maybe you wouldn’t be here with Him, because they laid down their lives for the Gospel, and you can’t lay down a meal.. Yes its a little melodramatic a comparison, but there are many thoughts running through your mind as you try to both escape and embrace the feeling that you can’t avoid this much longer…

After resisting the urge to enquire what happened to the last new (old?) vision that you got told about, your final thoughts are:

Well, much of the early church died painful deaths. I don’t have the time or the energy for that. But I could tell you where I’d like you to put your new vision, if you like…

How have life’s experiences shaped your heart?

Expectations.

Maybe this is just a woman thing. But it feesl like when it comes the home, in order to be Good. Christian. Women we need to be the Martha Stewarts of Post- Christendom. If hospitality floats your boat than celebrate it (and disciple the rest of us!) , but honey if it sinks your ship –don’t feel bad. Sometimes we get enthralled and entrapped by the picture perfect images that we see.

Look, I’m a Pinterest lover like everyone else. But let’s be honest; its my version of Fantasy Football. I pin lots of delightful recipes that I’m never going to cook. I pin entertainment ideas that, once pinned, I never entertain. I curate boards of ideas for my home. Never gonna happen. And cleaning tips that - gurl, purleeze. Don’t even get me started on the weddings.

But somehow even though I know this about myself, I still have to fight the expectations from without and those within. That to be a Good. Christian. Woman, I have to be excellent at this stuff. I’m actually the woman with the Restoration Hardware magazines on my coffee table because they came free in the mail. I’ve never been inside the store of my own volition.

Remember the Evil Trifecta when it comes to hospitality (well, actually they like to function in lots of areas of our lives, but lets stick with this for today) comparison, competition and perfectionism. They are not your friend. They are your frenemies, angels of death. You thought they were hugging you, but actually they choke you with a vice like grip.

My expectations of myself and what I feared others thought of me kept my door closed. A bit of shame here, a bit of embarrassment there. No, my heart wasn’t ready, until I heard Him knocking at its door. He wanted to dine with me, show me that He accepted me, that that was all that mattered.

Is your heart ready to let people in? Let people into your home, into your life?

Part one of the series is here